This page is dedicated to gathering the various bits of wit, wisdom and random ramblings of players, fans and other spectators of the O-fers Softball Club. If you overheard something of note, please jot it down and either deliver it to Bryan Sullivan or e-mail coach@o-fers.com. Give us as much detail about the circumstances surrounding the memorable words as possible, because sometimes it's just not funny unless you were there.
Thanks for your contributions.
Ejection
"For putting my bat away?"
"You worthless piece of crap!"
"You're the worst piece of #@&% umpire I've ever seen."
Wildlife
"Never again will I think of raccoons as cute, furry little animals."
Uniforms
"I just don't want to look like a big yellow ball at first base."
"I pretty much think no matter what color we go with, this whole team is gonna look like a buncha balls."
Players
"Hey Lawley, why don't you just shut the f--- up and watch some more TV?"
"Lawley is the master of the drag bunt."
"Dude, you're my friend and I love you. You're gonna die, but we'll have a better softball team."
— Shawn Pearson, on the possibility of Beck crashing his car on the way home
"Pearson touched me with his semi!"
Weather
"I asked a guy if the wind always blows in Missoula about 2 in the afternoon and he said no. It just blows when we’re here."
"The O-fers are a low-pressure zone."
"Our gradient winds are blowing from left to right."
"Dude, you're making me horny!"
"What small part of my penis is left has completely dissipated."
— Duane Miller on a very cold day
Battle Fatigue
"It was like Vietnam all over again."
— Gary Beck, after a not-so-successful game in right field
"We were live on the Deuce on that one!"
— Gary Beck, after a great 5-4-2 double play in 1998
Meals
"What kind of bread would you like?"
— Subway waitress
"Soft."
— Josh
"Empty calories rock!"
"You two need to go on a weight program — like wait for your food!"
Bof---incabulary
"Stupidable."
"When I combine three words into one, I'm conservating energy."
"Listen to this adviceable."
"You know I'm now."
"Pearson is a good nose."
"Trust me this."
"I picture it different than I remember it."
— Gary Beck, on '80s rock
The Fairer Sex
"All I know is, if she goes with you up to that room and you still get some, she’s a ho."
"I love it when the girls break out in a fight, and then all the girls break out in a fight: 'I hate your shoes!' — reowwwrrr!"
